The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
