yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
