a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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