She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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