I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
