Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
