it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
