so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
