She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
