i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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