I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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