are you still at the devil's house?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
