it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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