I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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