I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
