Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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