Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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