Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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