I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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