areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
