I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
