watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
