I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
