is your mom at the bar?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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