Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
