On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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