Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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