dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm at about main and main street
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
