got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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