The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
