Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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