yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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