i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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