mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
