A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
