Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
