Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
