So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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