Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
