ya dads aren't the best wingmen
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm like, not good at living.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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