i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
