went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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