Ambien. No doubt about it.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
