Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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