im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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