5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
