Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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