I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
