I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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