I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
