you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
