he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Small penises have feelings too.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
