You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
