Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
