We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
