I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
