she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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