His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize