so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
