hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
