She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
