you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
