Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
