wakey wakey hands off snakey
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
